Wondering

1.
i pray for past awareness
to guide me through this life with wisdom
and prevent the replication of harmful patterns
i pray for present awareness
to embody my aliveness
and keep me focused on my multipurpose
i pray for future awareness
to temper my appetites
and inspire me to dream

2.
i am a porous creature
love flowing, burning, pouring through me
air and fire and water
cleansed and holy by the salt and musk of my body
i am a reflective creature
wondering
perhaps it has never been about the holding
or being held
nor the having
of hands
or flowers
words
lips
letters
tender touches
heartbeats
or vocal tones
perhaps it has always been about the generative transmutations
the animations that exist
upon our leaving each other
sparks
exhales
seeds
spores
expressions of contentment
waves of pleasure
bursts of laughter
a deep thirst
an afterglow of warmth
an offspring
a poem
a dream
a novel not yet nameable entity

3.
and when my death arrives
i will simultaneously rise and descend and disperse
on a kaleidoscoping exhale
of sensation and light and sound and matter
becoming the endless stream of poetry
written into my soul
by all the arrivals and departures of my loves and my loving

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